Tag Archives: birthday

Tra-la-hahaha…

15 May

I’m 50 later this year. I’ve spent about forty plus of those fifty years knowing I can’t sing and being embarrassed to sing where anyone can hear AQ me. It started at junior school when everyone was in choir and I was asked to mime my words. That devastating blow to my self-confidence and shame about my voice has been with me my whole life. I never do karaoke, I mime at gigs and on the odd occasion I do sing out loud I become mortified by any funny look I perceive heading in my direction. And on those occasions I’m asked to ‘shhhh’ I’m traumatized for days.

This last year I have been a bit more ‘to hell with it’. After all singing is good for the soul.  We should all be able to sing and dance as if no-one is watching or listening. There are only a few places and occasions I just get on with singing but my self-consciousness and knowledge of being terrible at it do haunt me.

But. And to me it’s a massive ‘but’. Hubby has taken literally my comment at the beginning of 2017 when I stated that this was my fiftieth birthday YEAR!!! I’ve been receiving ad-hoc gifts throughout. ( I know, I’m a very lucky girl)

Today though I got a gift that has terrified me

A mystery envelope

This was inside…..

O M G !!!!!

So…..

Do I laugh? Do I cry? Do I hide myself away in shame? How will I cope with the embarrassment? What if she visible cringes?

Hubby says ‘think how magic it would be if you could learn to sing and felt comfortable joining in”.

I’ll do it. But it’s going to be the most embarrassing and frightening thing I’ve done since… I don’t even know when. I’m 50 nearly. I should try things that scare me….

But what if I’m a lost cause? I’ll be mortified. It’s terrifying!  And poor Mrs Galletta!….

So what is it you have a hang up about? Or don’t you?  Come on, share. Make me feel less freaked…..

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The Illusion of time…

23 Nov

time

The earth rotates through light and dark; seasonal changes; constellations come and go from our skies. We make sense of this movement by dividing it into chunks: years, seasons, months, weeks, days and nights, hours, minutes, seconds. Man-made constructs to conform our lives and inter-react across homes, towns, countries, continents.  We can measure the generations; relate to our ancestors; make sense of centuries and even discuss in terms of millenia.

It’s the most fundamental level of conformism that we all participate in.  Imagine the chaos if we all did our own thing..

Anyway the whole point of this is that I just had several family birthdays to contend with.  It’s all very inconvenient because they all fall in the same month , in fact, in the same fortnight and right on top of the busiest time of my year and far too close to the celebrations called Christmas.  Maybe we should just move them to a more convenient time?!

Anyway.  My son reached 18 earth years and I reached the unwelcoming number 48.  That amounts to (roughly) 17,520 days or 420,480 hours. I wonder how many of those I have wasted?  I prefer to think there were all of value.

What is interesting is how some of those hours seemed to pass more quickly than others.  Some of those summers raced by. Some of those seasons went on for an eternity. Some of those memories seem to have been eons ago others only days.  How can it be 18 years (6570 days) since my son was born? It seems to have gone so fast.  How can we have only have lived in Wales 11 years?  It feels like a whole lifetime.

It’s a man-made construct but its far from linear, it bends and stretches, slides and folds. We might be able to measure it but we still have no control over it.

We measure our lives in years; for me, so far , that’ll be forty-eight of them.

My husband pointed out to me that if I was on Mars I’d only be twenty-four.  Sometimes life is so strange I think that everyone must be from another planet.  Maybe it’s me.  So, I think I’ll go with that.  I officially declare myself a 24-year-old Martian.  Happy Birthday to me.  I’ll be celebrating my 25th in two of your earth years.

MOMENTOUS: “of great importance or significance, especially in having a bearing on future events”

9 Nov

9th November , 1997, 5:23am

The moment in my life that my little world became perfect.  That single most point in time when life affirming joy was , quite literally, handed to me.

The moment my first and my only son was handed to me, wrapped in a crisp white hospital blanket, and for the first time I looked into his eyes and our souls entwined forever.

Nothing prepares you for the heart swelling joy of that single most uplifting moment.  The infinite expanse of love and wellbeing; pride and responsibility; growth and achievement.  The single most, perfect moment

All sounds a bit OTT and gushy if you’ve never been there – I bet most of the women out there with kids will recognise it.

There are so many moments in my life that my heart has swelled with joy, happiness and pride, it’s a wonder it hasn’t burst from my chest.

Today is another one.  18 years old.  I look at him and I smile, and my heart swells a little more and I think “I did good”…….

They say its your Birthday

i was trying to remember how i selected his first outfit and dressing him in it - but i can't - i do however,notice its cars...

I was trying to remember how I selected his first outfit and dressing him in it – but I can’t – I do however,notice it’s cars…

Having a pint with his dad

Having a pint with his dad

 

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How they have grown

14 Sep

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Everyone says, as they grow older, things like, “how time flies”, “blink and you’ve missed it”, ” it doesn’t seem 5 minutes since…”

All these old sayings are just, oh so true

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All the children I have loved.  All the young teens I have supported, whose company I’ve enjoyed; whose tears and laughter I have shared.  All those youngster, some whose nappies I have changed; whose teenaged excesses I have cleared; whose birthday cakes I have baked.

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Those I have had the pleasure of having visit my home; who have had sleep-overs with my own son.

 

Those kids whose spellings I have canal boat hol 08 067tested; with whom I have revised for their exams; whose results I have celebrate or helped console.

All of those teens, this year , all turn(ed) 18.  They are spreading their wings.  Driving their cars; leaving their family homes; going to university; beginning to earn their own money.

325207_2604478041979_1963759808_oThey are all now young, gorgeous, adults, with their whole exciting new chapters ahead of them.  Armed with their hopes and dreams.  Their energy and passion.

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I love them all and am so proud of them.  I hope that , as adults they will remain part of my life; sharing their new stories and allowing me the honour of watching their futures unfold….

 

 

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today my son turned 16…

9 Nov
exactly!

exactly!

Today my son, Jason, turned 16.  5;11  am this morning being the moment of his birth following a glorious pregnancy and relatively short labour which caused me to leave a party early to head for hospital as my waters broke!

I find my heart bursting with pride as I lie awake listening to J and friends celebrating into the early hours of today.  He wanted to surround himself with friends as the clock switched over from 23:59 on 8th to 00:00 and the beginning of 9th.  His friends did not let him down.  Surrounded by friends all holding their mobile phones whilst dancing and watching the time tick.  As the 9th arrived they cheered and hugged and leapt, lifting J off the ground and we, his parents, had the privilege of sharing that moment with him.

This memory will be stored in the brains archives along with a multitude of great friend and family related moments for him to draw upon in his adulthood and share with his own children and grandchildren as he grows older.

At this point I raise the point I want to really make  and that is that Jason has a group of incredible, great, wonderful friends (young adults).  They are polite, loyal, socially adept, and embrace life,more importantly , they look out for each other – reminding any potentially jaded adult that life is truly for the living.  sure they make mistakes, but don’t we all?

I admit that their move from the ages of innocence to experimental teen pushing the boundaries and questioning authority, took me off guard.  I faltered and didn’t handle all the situations appropriately .  Over- reacting at times, disrespecting teens who were oblivious to their ‘crime’ rather than taking my usual course of discussion and reason.  I couldn’t cope with the fast arrival of drinking, smoking, clearing up vomit etc – not often but from the over excesses of teen parties.  That move from child to ‘youth’ caught me unprepared, unqualified and without the tools to manage the situations.  The teens aren’t the only ones who make mistakes.  parenting doesn’t come with a manual.  unlike any other job you don’t get training before embarking on the various challenges that face you.

My expectations were unrealistic and my responses , on occasion reflected my lack of experience and the feeling of being out of control of the situation.  It’s almost like a switch being flicked from when they are kids trusting your advice and rules to when they are teens reasoning, questioning, testing boundaries.  So I made mistakes and upset some of them in the same way as they make mistakes taking their ‘pushing’ one step too far.  But without pushing to the limit how do you discover the limit?  How do you find your equilibrium.  Teens aren’t the only ones who are victims of excesses – we all do it – but we are ‘adults’ and society ‘allows us’.

These young adults are GREAT.  They have a passion for life and the future experiences available to them and sometimes those potential experiences are too tempting to wait for, sometimes they get the balance wrong, eventually they will get it right.  We were no different but perhaps our parents knew less about what we did and where we did it.  Perhaps we were a little older?  Perhaps not.

Moving from childhood to adulthood requires a redefining of roles and relationship.  As parents we have less say in what goes on in their lives, we have done most of the nurturing and we can only hope we did it well enough.  The goal , surely, is to ensure they grow into healthy, happy, independent, socially responsible adults.  So, as hard as it is to ‘let go’ of our ‘babies’ we must remember that that is what we are here to achieve.

I look at Jason and his friends and see their passion for all the possibilities that lay before them – adventure, freedom, independence, relationships, life.  They make me so proud, every single one of them in their own unique way.  some make the transition more smoothly than others but you can tell that all have the skills to get through and to largely, enjoy the journey. and with the friendships they have they will all be just fine.

Life is so different for this generation of kids.  They grow up quicker having access to ‘adult’ knowledge younger through TV and internet.  we cannot ‘protect’ them from the pressure to experience more grown up things so early or so fast.  We have to equip them with different information from that provided by our parents. both ours and their challenges are so different from those experienced by us or our parents.  Our parents dressed differently, listened to different music and socialised in different circles from us.  Yet we are likely to borrow our parents/kids clothes, share musical tastes, go to the same parties from time to time.  we are also likely to have more open discussion.  So we have had to adapt to a different style of parenting.  more open, more interactive, with more awareness of what our kids are doing.

I consider it an honour to have this opportunity, but it comes with challenges and hurdles and i do sometimes falter at the jumps first time round.  Mistakes have been made and probably will be made in the future.  The intention, however, is always good.  It’s a learning curve.

I love and adore my son and his friends and the way they interact with John and I.  I admire them all for the lives they have yet to lead, the mistakes they have made and the lessons they have learned.  They are wonderful young people who keep in our minds the benefits of embracing life and living for the moment.

I am blessed.  i have a healthy, happy, handsome and talented son and an extended family of his happy, handsome and talented friends.  I am blessed that they come here and feel at home, hug me and call me Mama.  Which brings me right back to my opening line.  My heart bursts with pride and joy and I feel honoured to be part of their lives for those moments they chose to share with me.

so, all you boys and girls (young men and women), you know who you are, and I love and admire you all for the potential you have and the joy you bring.

Cake by Penny Lowe of Top Tier Cakes

Cake by Penny Lowe of Top Tier Cakes

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